Working online works. It is possible to meet and connect deeply, both on a spiritual and emotional level.
Benefits of meeting online
There are benefits for the client or directee meeting online for therapy or spiritual accompaniment as it means there is a possibility to meet in the client or directee’s own space (usually at home). It’s possible for the client or directee to take the “distance” they feel comfortable with, which can be empowering and equalising in the therapeutic or accompaniment relationship where power dynamics can be an issue.
Benefits to the client or directee of meeting at home
Home tends to be a private and safe space where it can be easier to open up and have a deeper emotional connection. Not necessarily, but often this is the case. Meeting online, the client or directee is able to choose a familiar environment to meet in, with their own belongings around them, which can feel stabilising and less intense than meeting face to face in someone else’s space. If the client or directee meets their therapist or spiritual director online and they open up deeply and experience vulnerability, there is no need to go outside again immediately afterwards or travel anywhere else, as would have to happen if the meeting had been face to face. This can lead to a greater sense of security about being able to open up deeply, feel emotions, going to deep, vulnerable places, and knowing it’s possible to have some space afterwards for self-reflection. Meeting face to face, it may be difficult to open up deeply only to have to be resilient again immediately afterwards, walking home on a busy street, for instance.
Other benefits of meeting online
Online meeting means that the client or directee can work with anyone, anywhere in the world, and need not be restricted to therapists and directors locally, who might know people that they know in their own geographical location. This can often make the client or directee feel safer in terms of confidentiality and also in terms of restricting information, opening up the possibility for self-exploration in deeper ways. A director or therapist who doesn’t know anyone the client or directee knows will be less likely to have pre-conceptions, and so will not be able to jump to pre-judicial conclusions or make false assumptions based on things they have seen or heard outside of the private sessions. This can feel liberating for clients and directees, especially those struggling with judgemental attitudes from people in their community (which is very normal). In this way, meeting online makes potential for greater neutrality and objectivity and eliminates some fears about prejudice. Dual-relationships (for instance, a spiritual director also being the priest of the directee’s parish) are far less likely, and the potential for them can even be eliminated entirely! This can lead to a tremendous sense of freedom for clients or directees, especially if they live in small communities.
Disadvantages of meeting online
It’s great if it works, and it can. But not everyone will feel comfortable meeting online. For some, it will be helpful to meet face to face occasionally. For others, this combination might be more confusing. There may be disadvantages to only meeting online such as not being able to see the full body, so missing body language, nuance, sights — and smells, even — all of which might be a loss to the communication and understanding.
Meeting online limits the picture we can build in some respects. However, there will always be obstacles to meeting “fully” — for instance, if our therapist or director had less strong vision, we would be unlikely to feel they were less able to “meet” us because they couldn’t completely see us with their eyes.
True meeting
True “meeting” seems to happen somewhere else than simply with the eyes. Deep listening — being attentive and fully present, holding a sacred space for God and the Divine to speak into our hearts in such a way that our hearts can listen and receive — happens in mysterious ways which aren’t governed by physical states alone.
Whatever the benefits or disadvantages, I would like to emphasise that it is just as possible to create a safe and sacred place of meeting online as it is in person.